Tiptoe across the silouhette of the moon

It is a star lit night as I look out of my window – watching the condensation….or is it rain, slowly work its way down the window pane.  Window pane…window pain…looking straight into my soul – through it – through me – into the void where my heart and head no longer talk to each other.  I knew it was wrong – I knew it and that is the thing that bothers me the most.   I knew it and still let myself talk myself around into believing the good.

I refuse to not see the good in people – I refuse to not let them show me that side.  It’s not my fault that so many people in this world aren’t good after all.  But I still refuse to believe it.  At least now I know that it is not my fault.  I am not the one that has gone around behaving, well, quite frankly, like a dick.  I am not deserving of such treatment and best to know now I suppose – best to know now that he doesn’t know how to treat a lady.

Still…knowing all this doesn’t really make it hurt any less.  Knowing all this doesn’t make things feel ok or better or like they ever will be.  I know they will be – I’ve been through worse – but the problem is the more times I go through stuff the more times I think that I am destined to just always have the wrong ones gravitate towards me.

Other people make this look so easy, they seem to have so much fun and just seem to stumble upon their match.  I just constantly stub my toe as I wonder aimlessly around this forest, tangled mess that is my life.

I see my reflection staring back blankly – the little rivers of moisture on the window looking like they are making their way down my reflections face.  I smile at her – I know what she has been through – she looks back at me with sadness, as though she knows what could still be to come.  So I reach out and pull my sweater sleeve over my hand and quickly wipe the moisture away, wiping away the  face of the errors that I have made.

I smile.  There is no reflection to smile back at me this time but I can feel the smile – I can feel the joy it fakes me into feeling.  It’s a good feeling – even if it is not yet real.

My brother was right – there are a lot of bastards out there.  Why can’t he be right about the good and positive stuff too?

I turn around to face my little bedside mirror – peering into my eyes.  They look back almost bambi like – there are no tears – not even close.  I sort of expected there to be some – but there are none, not even a slight glisten – this makes me laugh internally.  Here I am all upset yet there’s not even one hint of a tear.

I look closer.  I look tired.  I figure I should try to get some sleep.

 

 

I look up at the window at the girl that has my heart.  She doesn’t know it but things were just too hard.  I couldn’t find a way that was going to make it work in the way I wanted it too – I was getting too stressed and too angry about life and would only truly smile when she was talking to me.  Too many people were noticing but I wasn’t ready to let the world know about her yet.  There was something wonderful about her being my little secret.  I couldn’t believe she was mine – I pinched myself so often I was sure I was going to leave a permanent bruise.  But I couldn’t let the world know about us I just couldn’t and I think she took that to mean I was ashamed.

And I was. Of me. Not her.  I just couldn’t believe that someone so beautiful, so smart, so cool would like me.  We were worlds apart but somehow cut from the same cloth.

She made me laugh.  She made me think.  I felt close to her even when I couldn’t see her.  She taught me so much in just one small conversation.  She’d make me notice things I had never seen before.

She took it as disinterest.  I was just in awe.

I felt her back away and I did nothing to pull her closer.  I didn’t know what to do – I’d never cared before – I had spent a life going through the motions.

Her very being made me ashamed of my own.

Her life was so rich I started to see mine as stained, tarnished, that something was dulling the sparkle.

She was the sparkle and yet somehow I made her feel that she was the one thing that was smothering out the flame.

I did what I always do.  I played the tough guy. I played it cool.  I was so scared of getting burnt, of burning her – that I ran to the coldest place I know.  My heart.

Only it wasn’t so cold anymore.  It was full of heat for her.

I can see her face, the blank eyed stare.  I have hurt the one thing I never wanted to even slightly tarnish and now I can’t even get close.

I tried to speak to her today.  She smiled, she laughed, she spoke to me but I could see that she was holding back.  That she was nervous, on edge.  I couldn’t tell what she thought of me anymore. I could see the smile was playful, but I did wonder if it was just her playing with it not turning into a snarl.  I could see in her eyes that I had killed something – something that was there long before I came along.

I had damaged her.  I hoped not for good – but I feared…

So I slunk back into the shadows letting her think that I had just changed my mind.  I knew she would hurt but I hope that by stepping back now it will only be me that aches forever.  Something she will never know.

I look back at the window one more time and see her reach out to wipe the window.  I hold my hand out so with my distorted vision it looks like we are touching hands.  I breath a quiet prayer for her to live a happy life and I wipe away my own tears in time with her wiping the window.  As she steps backwards – I do too, and I am gone, back into the shadows of her life where for a very brief moment I did emerge.

Random Ramblings

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I often wish this were true.  Friendships are so important and so vital – as you get older I think your social groups gets smaller but better, you know what you want and who you want to spend time with and I think you get less tolerant to some of the things you were prepared to put up with when you were younger.  I see many people neglect their friends and it always baffles me.  I cherish my friendships – each and every one of them – I am so grateful for these people and hope I am a good friend to them in return.  2014 is goign to be all about doing the things I love with the people I love.

 

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I recently stumbled across this quote and I think it is beautiful.  Joanne Harris wrote the book Chocolat – this is from her book the girl with no shadow, which I am yet to read but which is now in my possession.  I love the ‘….thoughts that wonder off the edge of the world.’ I am totally adopting that to explain my way of thinking.

 

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People try too hard sometimes and forget to just enjoy themselves.  I truely believe you meet people in weird and wonderful ways – the right people just come into your life – life has a funny way of working out like that and working out just what you need even before you have worked it out for yourself.  Don’t dismiss these ‘chance’ meetings – for I really don’t believe in that – I think that you meet people for a reason – that you both have something to bring to each others lives.

 

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And this is here to remind me to start writing properly again – lately I have not had the time – what with working full time and studying two courses but I am determined to manage my time even better this year.  Onwards and upwards and hopefully my award winning manuscript will get written and make me rich!

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And this is the first thing I will buy when I become rich.  OK, maybe not – this is just something I really want – I don’t need but hey!

 

Hope you are all having a really lovely 2014 so far!

Normally blogging will resume soon ;o)

2014

Well Hello to all my readers and curious bypassers.

Happy 2014 to you all.  I hope that Christmas and New Year were wonderful affairs for you and that Santa was kind to you – and if he wasn’t then you best behave better this year ;o)

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I had a lovely time filled with friends and family.  Rather a lot of alcohol, quite a lot of food and a ridiculous amount of presents that left me feeling really humbled.  So a big shout out to all the awesome people in my life.

I never make New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t think anyone sticks to them.  I think that if you want to do something you should do it – find the motivation in yourself just because you want change, or you want to better yourself.

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2013 was quite a tough year but I try to focus on the good stuff as often as I can and everything in life helps us grow and that is the one thing as a human being you should never stop doing.

Life should be about being kind, being happy, spreading happiness, sharing, growing and experiencing new things.

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Sometimes scary things happen but this just shows you how strong you can be.  Sometimes bad things happen but this just shows you who is really there for you and it helps to teach us things about life, people and the world.

I hope 2014 is wonderful for us all.

In the meantime I am thinking about this blog for 2014.  Does anyone have suggestions for new story slots or for new daily topics? I’d be happy to hear from any of you!

 

Happy New Year

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Words of wisdom Wednesday

It’s story time again for you – a tea break tale or whatever you would like to call it, I hope you enjoy:

When you see a sunset do you think of the dying embers of a fire? Do you think of all the things you achieved that day or do you think about all the things you didn’t do? Do you see a sunset as final, depressing, an ending or does it fill you with joy?
I myself prefer sunsets, sunrises seem to imply something else, I can’t explain myself properly – there is something about a sunrise that seems seedy, you either can’t sleep or have been out too late, whereas a sunset is something to behold, to cherish, to make a point of seeking out and enjoying.

A sunset on a beach is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me and somewhere in the world this happens at the end of every day and it happens for free.

Those pure moments of magic, those pure moments of happiness, they are fleeting but they are often and it is those things that build up to make a happy time, or a happy life, or a happy episode.

It’s the little things in life. (How many male ego’s just soared about that one) but it’s true.  The little things touch your heart and make you smile the most.

Unless you are a bitch and then this story is probably not directed at you!

When someone is mega rich and they charter a helicopter to fly you to Paris for a meal (yeah happens all the time…..) but it’s like them spending £5, does is mean as much as the person that has 50 pence to spare but picks you a bunch of wild flowers, runs you a bubble bath and does the housework for you? NO, to me the person with the 50 pence wins hands down every time.  This is why I will never be living in a mansion.  And I am ok with this.

I think there are purer and truer things in life than money and yep hold the front page – money is essential but it’s not that important…..well yes pick me apart on that one – you need a roof over your head and food in your belly but as for trinkets and things – they might be nice but you don’t really need them now do you.  You can drown in your successes if you fall towards excess too much.  If you think that the trinkets and the fast cars are the important bits you are missing out on so much more.

When did you last take the time to notice a star filled night sky or to make a wish on a shooting star? To see a dandelion seed, catch it, make a wish and then let it fly away again? When did you last take a moment to notice the beautiful flower that has come out in bloom or to notice the cute little squirrel playing on the park fence?

When did you last stop and indulge in something you love – whether it be a big slice of cake or your favourite tv show – but to really indulge and not beat yourself up about the calorie count or worry about what you might be missing out on by taking a moment to invest in yourself and to slow down a little bit and to remove yourself from the rat race just for a moment or two.  That vital time of investing in yourself that we seem too quick to dismiss and not make time for or let other things leak in.  Change those ways and make it part of your routine – something as essential as eating and sleeping and breathing is.

Do you ever take the time to notice the sweet things that can happen right in front of your face or that little child that helps an old person pick something up that they have dropped.  The shy smile between two young lovers that are yet to admit their feelings, or the penny someone picked up to make a wish on, or the penny someone dropped so that someone else could feel lucky…………yes I did do that, I read it in a book and thought it was lovely so now and then when I have a moment or the mood takes me, or I feel that the world needs a bit more luck, I scatter my pennies! Deal with it.

Do you stop at all to think, to reflect, to notice that beauty that is all around you? Don’t ignore it – don’t forget it – happiness is not just a tiffany’s box you know!

Happiness is a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream shared with your best friend.

Happiness is that bass beat thumping through your chest when you see your favourite band live.

Happiness is being with your friends and someone produces teacups and a nice bottle of wine.

Happiness is finding £10 in your old coat that you were about to donate.

Happiness is reading a really good book, curled up on the sofa all snug and warm.

Happiness is being out in the woods with the sun trickling through the trees and hearing children playing outside, laughing.

Happiness is seeing your child in their first nativity play.

Happiness is laughing so hard that your tummy ahces.

Happiness is feeling the warm sun on your bare skin for the first time that year.

Happiness is the warm belly of a puppy dog.

Happiness is the smell of freshly baked bread.

Happiness is finding the other end of the rainbow.

Happiness is a kind word or a thoughtful deed from someone unexpected.

Happiness is being appreciated.

Happiness is a sunset marking the end of one day and biding its time for the next – each one a true gift – each one of them a fresh start if you so choose to let it be.

Let it be.

Happiness is everywhere, it is all around you, each and every day.   It doesn’t have to cost a penny; it is all there if you just let it be.

Treat day Tuesday

Well it’s a day late and it’s just a story based around christmas and treats.

I forgot to post it up yesterday!

Forgive me ;op

‘So what treats are in store for us today?” Michelle asked looking longingly at the hot chocolate advert on tv, full of log fires, snow, candy canes, everything a christmas should be, well including lots of presents and some gorgeous man in the kitchen cooking away in just his apron.

Lucy laughed.  She knew what was going through her friends mind, she had been single for 6 months – not that long really but for Michelle this was like eternity.

She would finally have to admit that her ex boyfriend had really meant something to her after all.  Michelle pretended to have the hide of a rhino but really, Lucy knew she was easily hurt, she just hid it well, or rather hid it at the bottom of a bottle and amongst the sheets of a randoms bed.

‘I can’t promise you a tussle under the Christmas tree, if you know what I mean but I can promise you a day filled with Christmassy delight.  We’ve got the fair to go to, then there is the fireworks in the evening and right now I thought we should go and try those new gingerbread men in the bakery down the road.’ Lucy waggled her eyebrows.  Michelle had been lusting over the baker for years, but only now was she single and able to do something about it.

Lucy heard nothing from  Michelle in response and stopped tying up her laces to check her friend was still breathing.

She was.  But very frantically and sobbing and water was coming out of her eyes.  ‘Oh crap’ thought Lucy, Michelle never cried, at least not with company, not even when really drunk.

Lucy ran over to her friend and gave her a bear hug, words weren’t needed, she knew that being single at Christmas was hard.

‘I broke the heel on my new boot!’ wailed Michelle.  So much for heart felt sentiments.  This girl could be bought with anything it would seem.  The only true heartache was not being able to afford the latest Louboutins.

So if Lucy could get the Baker to serve up a pair instead of his usual cakes then she was on to something.  With 5 minutes to arrange it was never going to happen.

Michelle and Lucy sighed together – both lost in their own little worlds.

Lucy snapped out of it and threw a spare pair of boots at her friend, knowing they wouldn’t be quite refined enough but not caring – there was a day of Christmassy things to do waiting for them – getting wasted – heels were not going to stop this from happening – if needs be she’d max out her credit card (even more) and treat her friend to some more boots.  She did a quick mental calculation of how much she had already been spending  on this months pay cheque and rethought her idea….maybe a pair of slippers from Peacocks would do instead ……her new year’s resolution really was going to have to be to get another job….or give up shop….nope she wouldn’t even allow herself to finish the thought.

‘Michelle COME ON!’ she grabbed her friends arm and pulled her away as fast as possible.

They ran out into the street giggling – they had decided to get the bus into town so they could have a drink….or ten as far as Lucy was concerned.

The smell that greeted them as the bus door opened had Lucy reaching for her purse.

‘Taxi…..my treat….’ And she ran off the bus with her arm out waving down each and every car until eventually a cab appeared with its light on.

‘Step on it.’ She yelled once they were both settled in the car.

‘to the shops…..’ she finished, not quite informatively.

The driver rolled his eyes and pulled away from the kurb.

In town they ran about from store to store, cooing and oooing over everything they could find, they stuck their hands in fake snow and pretended to lick the ice sculpture in the department store, with Michelle very nearly getting attached.

They ogled any man with a whiff of expense about him and finally collapsed with a hot chocolate and candy cane.

‘Who needs men when you have your friend, your ex’s store card and hot chocolate!’ without breaking her stride she then purred ‘Well hello!’

Lucy threw her head round and laughed.

She saw her friend flick her hair, adjust her bra all with a quick snap and the most dazzling smile came from her face, a beam of light encircling the said man who turned as though he could feel the beam.

Without saying anything Michelle pouted slightly and looked coyly down at the table.

Lucy had to give it to her friend – she could flirt like no other.

He smiled at the girl at the table – then noticed her friend.  He hesitated.  In that moment of hesitation something unsaid went between the two girls and the one with the dark hair stood up, laughing, grabbed at something on the table and ran.

Lucy had the store card and Michelle could have the man.

Both would be treated nicely.

Lucy pulled out her phone ‘Meet you back at my house at 9pm tonight for all the gossip.  Bring goodies – we will have lots to talk about.xx’

She got a text back 10 minutes later ‘see you tomorrow kiddo. When we will have even more to talk about….so far 9 out of 10.  Don’t wait up ;o)’

Lucy laughed.  She was just wondering what to do with herself when she spotted Mike – her loyal and lovely boyfriend.  In his hands he had a square box covered in shiny red paper.

‘For you my dear, a little pre Christmas treat’.  Lucy giggled, she looked at Mike, she thought about Michelle.  She leant forward and whispered in Mike’s ear.  His eyebrows went up, his smile broadened.  ‘Your wish is my command.’ He muttered taking Lucy’s hand and quickly hailing a cab and asking him to head to their home, promptly. It looked  like they were all going to be treated tonight.

Words of Wisdom Wednesday is all about friendship

There is always a first meeting, a first glance, a first word.  We are all strangers at one point or another.  Even the couple that seem to be having the biggest love affair in the history of mankind were strangers once.

When you don’t know someone they can be anything.  You might get lucky in what is quite an uncommunicative world and you will get to say something to them.  You might find they have something to say back to you and over time you start to have little conversations.

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You make each other laugh.  You get on, you get each other.

And that’s all that matters really.  Nothing else needs to be analysed.  If you get on and make each other laugh then that in time will grow from acquaintance to friendship.

And now isn’t that something that is underrated in this day and age.  A true and proper friendship – built the old fashioned way.  There is nothing more valuable on the face of this earth than a friend.  Friendship is where everything begins. 

With true friendship you have someone to turn to, someone to give you support.  It gives you someone to be a shoulder too and there is nothing quite like being wanted.

You get to know each other in ways that outsiders just don’t stand a chance.  Just a quick look can have you both laughing without being able to explain to others why.

When you respond that all is fine – only they will know if this is really the case, they will understand the importance of a ‘Nothing’ reply.

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They might not know your favourite colour but they will know what colours work best on you and they won’t be afraid to tell you so.  They will handle your strops and your down times but they won’t let you wallow and you will no longer need to.  For having a friend means you never have to be alone again.  You will have someone there, even when you don’t see them.  You will sense them, feel their support.  You will have things happen when you are on your own that you will rush to tell them about.

Other relationships come and go in life but a friendship built up over time with the right ingredients will stand the test of time and will never reach its sell by date.

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You should never under value this.

People come into your life for a reason.

Sometimes it is for you to teach them something and sometimes it is for them to teach you.  Sometimes they are here for 5 minutes, sometimes they are here for the rest of your days.  Either way never make the mistake of thinking that your paths have just crossed.  There is a reason.

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Some people you are not meant to be friends with but you will know that very early on.  They won’t make you laugh – they will make you feel nervous.

If someone makes you laugh – you have to treasure them as though they were gold or some precious stone.  They are worth more than all the money in the world.

If you in turn can make this persons face light up then you have done one of the greatest things a human can do.  Shared laughter (when real) is one of the most intimate things a human can do – think about it – when it’s proper uncontrollable laughter aren’t you totally vulnerable but you feel comfortable with who you are with so you don’t even think about that.

It’s like the first day of summer when you finally feel the suns rays reach out and wrap all around you and gently kiss your face.

Today’s world doesn’t always value friendship enough – it’s been blended down to mean just a figure on a social media site.  But some of us still remember the true meaning of the word.

Some of us know the beauty that is friendship and we will nurture it forever.

The joke is that once you have me in your life you never be alone again.

I let in few people but when I do I am there.  Always.

You should never underestimate such a promise.

I don’t lie easily. I say some bad things about myself but I do know I am a good friend.  If I refer to you as a friend then you should treat that as though I gave you my very best crown.  One you should wear with pride, as I will be proud to see you in it.

And that’s what friendship should be.

A shared rejoicing.  You don’t always have to look your best or feel your best, they take the rough with the smooth and that is like the best comfort blanket you will never be able to buy anywhere.

It’s just the way it is.

We all seem to over analyse everything – like we need to know everything about whatever situation we are in or whatever person we meet – but does that not spoil the surprise? To me there is something nice about not knowing the full reason for something until later on.

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Like I firmly believe that people come into your life for a reason – that reason might not be obvious at first but when it is meant to reveal itself then it will.  Just like things happen for a reason.  Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes not so obvious, sometimes you find out in due course and sometimes you never realise why something happened, but you can rest assured there will be a reason.

I sometimes feel that there is a plan for us – which sounds quite hippy ish but the thing is – I know how many times I have ignored my gut feeling only to have it come and bite me on the ass.  I know that I have ignored health warnings and carried on and kept getting ill – there are things that are meant to happen and life seems to have a way of keeping you going around in circles until you learn the lesson that you need.

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Many of us sulk when we don’t get what we want – but you should see it in a different way – if you don’t get what you want it’s probably because it is not what you need.

Life seems to work out in the end, so don’t stress, don’t sweat things so much – if you meet someone and you get on – don’t over analyse it – just go with it – what will be will be.

If something doesn’t work out the way you want it too – don’t sulk and throw a fit – just try to see the positives and take those from it and learn lessons and keep your eyes open for the things that you need, they will be out there.

You might not understand why some things work out for you and why some things don’t – or why others sometimes seem to have everything go right for them – you never really know the full story…..things might be better or worse than you think – and if you just shift the focus and emphasis of your own life you might actually see that you have more going for you than you thought.

Be good. Laugh often and treat people kindly.  The right people will come into your life and the things you need will happen – other than that try to just focus on being a good all round decent human being.

Inspired by the picture

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‘Have you got the blanket Josie?’

‘Dur what do you think this is wrapped around my body!’

‘Well……I thought it was your usual weirdo dress sense!’

‘My hands are full but I can still get a kick to your shins you know!’

The girls giggled.

They had this way with them.  They could whine and moan at each other and pull each others legs like nothing else but it was always done with love, they didn’t care if no one else realised this – they knew and that was all that mattered.

It was all that had mattered until Jason had come along.  Penny had become smitten.  She wouldn’t even dare talk to him – boys were still sort of stinky but Penny would swoon and find any excuse to talk about him but would not admit to liking him and frankly Josie had, had enough.  Boys smelt funny and played stupid games, Josie thought they just got in the way and liked the life she had, there was no room for anyone else in her and Penny time.

The girls had been friends since Kindergarten and were now 11 years old.  They had racked up 8 years of friendship, by each others side as often as possible.  Josie had been there for Penny when her Dad had left home when she was 6 and Penny had been there for Josie when Frodo, her pet rabbit, and other best friend had died 3 years ago.

It was now a glorious Spring day.  The grass was dry and was slightly warm to the touch, the clouds were about but not so much that the sun wasn’t out most of the time.  They’d made a big jug of pink lemonade and had spread out some old blankets on the ground.  In their little pear tree they hung the sheet that Josie unravelled from her body around a tree and used old clothes pegs to secure it in place.  Penny fanned out the sheet to give them not just shelter from the sun but so they could shut out as much of the world as possible.  They had books to read and things to gossip about.  There was no time for interruption.

Penny laid down a little lantern, although it was far from dark she felt comfort from the warm candle glow.  She lit it carefully and moved it out of the way of Josie’s swinging feet.  They favoured lying on their stomachs and reading looking down but Josie always swung her feet about and had twice recently brought the whole canopy crashing down on their heads.  Penny nudged her friend to be careful and gave her best Miss Trunchbull look.

They giggled and gossiped the day away, pausing to watch some birds play – they went indoors only for sandwiches and toilet breaks.  Penny’s Mom left them to it – she almost felt envious of what they had – she would love to spend the day hiding in her little blanket fort with her best friend.  She sighed, smiled and carried on doing the drying up.

Harry, the next door neighbour peeped over the garden fence. He watched with caution.  He was in love with Josie.  She didn’t even know he existed.  Other than to call him a little rat.  You will learn why.

As the afternoon wore on and the girls got engrossed in telling each other stories, Harry tiptoed through his house and out through the side gate.  He padded barefoot across the tiny bit of gravel that took him round to Penny’s driveway.  He crept along the side of the house and waited.  Seeing the girls deep in conversation he quickly made his move.

Josie was the first to scream and jump to her feet, dripping wet.  Harry had filled his Mother’s washing up bowl with cold water and thrown it over the girls.

‘You dirty little rat, just you wait until I catch up…….’ And she tore off round the garden chasing Harry calling him every name under the sun.

Penny sat still, looking at her arms that were soaking wet, she watched them go from red to white and then little goosebumps appeared.

She then froze.  Jason was stood at the end of the driveway, staring at the scene in front of him.

There was Harry and Josie running around the garden screaming like little children, covered in water.

And there was Penny sat there also covered in water, half drowned by Harry, she knew it had hit her hair making it hang limp and greasy around her head.  She quickly jumped up and grabbed her sun hat, threw it on her head and in her desperation to get away from what she now considered a childish scene she headed straight over towards Jason before her nerves could get the better of her.

‘Hi’ she said breathing hard.

‘Hey’ Jason nodded back at her.  Penny blushed even harder than she already was thinking to herself that he was just so grown up and cool.

She saw Jason flick a look over to Harry and Josie and frown.

‘Oh haha um they aren’t with me, um, I’m…..they’re not my friends I, um……I’ve come over to see um yeah…….’

She felt hands push in her back…hard!

‘Not my friend?’ she could hear Josie’s voice – her voice reedy thin from being said through gritted teeth.

Penny turned, her eyes half shut in fear.

‘NOT YOUR FRIEND?’ Josie’s voice was getting dangerously high and verrrrry loud.

‘I um…..I….’ Penny stuttered in panic, her eyes darting from Josie to Jason and back again. She gulped.  There was no denying it – everyone had heard – she had denied knowledge of her closest friend because she was embarrassed by her.  The thought made Penny sick.  It so wasn’t true – she was just wanting Jason to think that she was grown up and not immature.  Penny struggled to think of something to say.

Josie filled the silence.  Her look to Penny spoke a thousand words, words full of hurt, out of her mouth came ‘I’m going.  You, Penny, well you can just go to hell…..do not call me later, and as for walking to school together tomorrow, go make friends with your shadow!’

She gave one last withering look at Penny and walked away.  Penny’s heart sank.  She looked up to speak to Jason and saw him looking at her coldly, he turned his head to watch the retreating figure of Josie go down the driveway.

‘Hey Josie…..wait up….’

And with those 4 words the rest of Penny’s world came crashing down around her.  Josie was gone, Jason was gone……….but not only that…..they were gone……together.

Penny’s mom was stood on the doorstep.

‘Go in…………in fact………go to your room….take a look at all the picture in there of you and Josie………..take a look at all the things she has given you……….and you have a good long think about what you have just done……….then I suggest you go to bed and pray that tomorrow you haven’t just let a man…hmmm….BOY….. come between you and your best friend………….did you learn nothing from my life!’

The morals are clear to see.

Never undervalue a friendship.

Words of wisdom Wednesday

Today’s world is very immediate.  Everything is wanted and needed not just now but yesterday.  There’s some industries that have always been that way but it seems to seep into everything in life now.  People seem to be apathetic.  That word ‘common’ sense seems to be coming more and more uncommon.  Life is cheap.  It’s just another fast food style commodity.  Which is so wrong.  So very, very wrong.  Life is a beautiful gift, it is short, but wonderful.  You don’t have to be the next Madonna to make a difference…..in fact I’d urge you not to be the next Madonna.  ‘Fame’ is just a side effect of certain careers yet sadly it seems to be what so many now aim for – and they’ll do anything for it – sell their soul with a blink of an eye.  This saddens me.  The world of fame is ugly.  I think most people with money say their biggest thing they realised was that it’s not money that makes you happy.

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I remember Kurt Cobain saying he couldn’t wait to make a million bucks then he knew he, his family would be set for life.  Then he made his first million and he realised a lot of it went on staff, tax, legal fees and he was left with very little of that initial million.  He also said he got such joy out of bargain hunting, thrift store shopping and how when you can afford anything pretty much everything loses its sparkle.  When you don’t have money you do of course think that having money would be the answers to your prayers – and without a doubt it would make things….life easier but………isn’t it also truth that nothing worthwhile in life is easy?!  A bit of money to make life comfortable would be lovely but that is all you need.  As long as you have a roof over your head, food on the table, friends and a warm heart then that is all you need.  To me going to bed each night with a clean conscience, knowing I’ve tried to be a good, decent human, I’ve tried to be there for my friends, I’ve tried to be kind to other people and the earth and I’ve not knowingly caused pain or suffering to anyone or anything – then that to me is success.

Not if I appear on TV.  Not if I have a million in the bank.  Not if I am screwing over loads of people to become a ‘successful’ business person.  How many people can truly say they live with a clean conscience and no regrets?

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Well…me for one.  And that is how success should be rated.  Money just makes you want more, more things, more money, people become cheap, life becomes cheap.  Somewhere people lost the way – when you have young children thinking it is cool to die on the streets or to take a life on the streets to win ‘respect’ you know the very fabric of society is starting to unravel.

So stop thinking money and fame are the bee all and end all of life and the only way to find success, or that being notorious is something good – or that living fast and dying young is better than being alive and well and making a good difference in this world.

We need to get back to grass roots and remember what is really important and invest time and love into that.

The most valuable thing in the world isn’t gold or diamonds – it is time – time to do your own thing – to be yourself – to be creative – to explore – to look after your loved ones.

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