Yes

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Happiness

“What is the key to a good life? Happiness! And how do you get that? It’s not about money and what you know – it’s about keeping your eyes open. Living in the moment.  Noticing the little things. Not stressing and embracing the moment.  Having faith that life is moving along as it should.   Be grateful.  Think about what you have and not what you don’t have. Surround yourself with good people and spread a little of your happiness everywhere you go.”

Truth

“You wanna know what living life to the fullest actually is? It’s waking up on a Monday morning with no complaints. It’s knowing you always deserve to laugh. It’s doing what feels right no matter what. It’s doing what you want to, no matter how stupid you look. It’s about being yourself, ‘cause no one can tell you you’re doing it wrong.”

I just saw this on Tumblr and thought it was spot on.

We all worry way too much about living up to other people’s expectations and we forget about who and what we truely are.

This year you should make it your goal to fully embrace yourself and not say sorry for who you are.

I have no recollection of writing most of this…….I love how I do that!

It’s cold out there – it’s been cold for years – but you turned up and you were like a security blanket that I didn’t even know I needed.

It was a touchless embrace.  It was just there – suddenly it was the comfort I had been needing – there were no words – there was no sound – just this feeling, a sense, a need.

Innocent perfection.  But there is no perfection so how can that be so?  It was a stolen moment that felt so right it’s the nearest to perfection that I can think of but there is no word for that but to describe it in such a way doesn’t sound as great as that moment was – it just sounds like the ramble this is.  It needed to be purer than that.

It was beyond charm or innocence.

There was nothing to it but there was everything within its seams.

So much there if it was bothered to be searched for.

It’s easy to speak, to smile to say things without meaning – but what about meaning it – laying yourself out to be vulnerable.

It’s good to take a chance and see who catches you.

You will be surprised who does and who lets you fall.

You will be surprised by why some people let you fall but you shouldn’t concern yourself with them.  Good people won’t let you fall – no matter what.

Friendship is better than nothing? What a stupid thing to say – friendship is everything – it’s the best compliment, the biggest thing in life, it will get you through the most and make you learn the most, and will make you smile and laugh.  Don’t define the lines that it comes in – just accept it – treasure it – nurture it.  Don’t ruin it.  Don’t let anything get in the way.

Those walls will only stop you – they will only damage you.  You build a wall around yourself to protect you but the heart has wings and will soar away and then it will be you left alone in your empty brick box.

Don’t define the lines.

Lines mean nothing.  They are someone else’s opinion.

And what do they know?

I am not someone else’s to draw lines on me.  It is not for someone else to try to tell me who I am.  I am not that sort of person – you can’t box me up – you should never try – if you do then you have lost and I will slowly fade away.  I will be free outside of the lines you are drawing around yourself.

I’ll be the butterfly dancing outside of the windows of your soul – the one that you sealed up and now you want to escape but you forgot how to get the windows open.

Terrible.

It must be like drowning and looking up to see the heart break on your loved ones face and realising that you only let yourself drown because you didn’t think they loved you anymore.

Lost.

Wasted.

Opportunities flowing through your fingers like tiny grains of sand, but there is no glass of an egg timer catching these grains so you can turn it over and start again – once these grains hit the floor they are gone – done – over.

Don’t ever let things be over.

Life should be a series of loose ends, you don’t know when you might need to pick one up again – or when you need to join some together.

Life isn’t meant to work out how you think you want it to – it will work out how it needs to.  How you need it to – whether you know this or not.  If you don’t get what you want exactly how you want it – it is because there is a bigger purpose for it.

I’ve seen people throw away the best friend they never had – just because they weren’t open to seeing things outside of the lines.

Find a picture and colour it in, go outside the lines – how do you feel? Out of control and stupid? Like you did something wrong? Those are forced lessons from a youth that has no place in your adult world.

Who gets ahead in life? Those that play it safe or those that think outside the box, the ones that go outside the lines, the ones that take a chance, the ones that don’t sulk but open their arms to the opportunities and don’t shut things down and turn things off, that put a covering over their heart and pull down the shutters and wonder why no one calls anymore.  Wonder why people only get so far.  It’s not worth the risk. Life is too short for those sorts of chances.  We need to feel and if you have too much around you – no one can sense your energy and you will be left withering away by yourself –growing more and more bitter as you go from ripe, to over ripe to some shrivelled up former version of yourself.

Value the friendships and know that we all started as strangers.  Think of that next time you push someone away and don’t give them the time of day.

Remember that next time you bite someone’s head off.

Remember that no matter what, people care for you – that you might not know who, or how or why – but they do and don’t go trying to change that – just because it doesn’t fit the picture you created in your head.

The picture in your head is just make believe, it’s not real life.

But here’s the thing – sometimes life is better than your fantasy – but you’ll only know if you stay open long enough to find out.

Random Ramblings

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I often wish this were true.  Friendships are so important and so vital – as you get older I think your social groups gets smaller but better, you know what you want and who you want to spend time with and I think you get less tolerant to some of the things you were prepared to put up with when you were younger.  I see many people neglect their friends and it always baffles me.  I cherish my friendships – each and every one of them – I am so grateful for these people and hope I am a good friend to them in return.  2014 is goign to be all about doing the things I love with the people I love.

 

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I recently stumbled across this quote and I think it is beautiful.  Joanne Harris wrote the book Chocolat – this is from her book the girl with no shadow, which I am yet to read but which is now in my possession.  I love the ‘….thoughts that wonder off the edge of the world.’ I am totally adopting that to explain my way of thinking.

 

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People try too hard sometimes and forget to just enjoy themselves.  I truely believe you meet people in weird and wonderful ways – the right people just come into your life – life has a funny way of working out like that and working out just what you need even before you have worked it out for yourself.  Don’t dismiss these ‘chance’ meetings – for I really don’t believe in that – I think that you meet people for a reason – that you both have something to bring to each others lives.

 

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And this is here to remind me to start writing properly again – lately I have not had the time – what with working full time and studying two courses but I am determined to manage my time even better this year.  Onwards and upwards and hopefully my award winning manuscript will get written and make me rich!

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And this is the first thing I will buy when I become rich.  OK, maybe not – this is just something I really want – I don’t need but hey!

 

Hope you are all having a really lovely 2014 so far!

Normally blogging will resume soon ;o)

2014

Well Hello to all my readers and curious bypassers.

Happy 2014 to you all.  I hope that Christmas and New Year were wonderful affairs for you and that Santa was kind to you – and if he wasn’t then you best behave better this year ;o)

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I had a lovely time filled with friends and family.  Rather a lot of alcohol, quite a lot of food and a ridiculous amount of presents that left me feeling really humbled.  So a big shout out to all the awesome people in my life.

I never make New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t think anyone sticks to them.  I think that if you want to do something you should do it – find the motivation in yourself just because you want change, or you want to better yourself.

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2013 was quite a tough year but I try to focus on the good stuff as often as I can and everything in life helps us grow and that is the one thing as a human being you should never stop doing.

Life should be about being kind, being happy, spreading happiness, sharing, growing and experiencing new things.

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Sometimes scary things happen but this just shows you how strong you can be.  Sometimes bad things happen but this just shows you who is really there for you and it helps to teach us things about life, people and the world.

I hope 2014 is wonderful for us all.

In the meantime I am thinking about this blog for 2014.  Does anyone have suggestions for new story slots or for new daily topics? I’d be happy to hear from any of you!

 

Happy New Year

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Throwback Thursday

More 1,000 word fiction for you – I hope you enjoy!

 

Looking back it was obvious from the start.

This was never going to work.  Which was why I wanted to do it.

Like my friend who had a baby because the timing was so wrong – it sounded stupid, ridiculous, wreck less even at the time but now – it seems like it was the best thing she has ever done.

For me – I bought a one way ticket to a city that didn’t know my name.  No one knew me name. And that is what the appeal was.  I was running away from a life I no longer wanted but one I didn’t know how to break up with properly – I mean can you even break up from your own life? It was like I had to let go of the girl that I had been forced to be my whole childhood so I could become the woman I was meant to be the woman that I knew was – the woman that had always been there but hidden from view.

I could never be myself at home because I was always shouted down – I was told no far more than I was told yes.  I think that’s why even today, my default is on the negative.  I am a positive person for life and for others but for myself I am lost – sometimes I just don’t know.

So I did what anyone does when they don’t know what to do – well you have two choices – bury your head in the sand or run away.  Yeah, yeah some would say you could just deal with it but yeah right whoever does that – they don’t even do that in the films! They run.

So I ran.

Well I sauntered in my heels to the nearest train station – with two bags packed.  And I got on the train with my one way ticket feeling really proud of myself.

I looked at my suitcases.  One was full of books and writing paper and the other was full of clothes and one pair of shoes and somewhere in there I had managed to get my hair straightener – you know – the essentials.  It suddenly seemed daft – how was I going to be able to accessorise properly with just one suitcase of clothes, I was going to have to get a job fast…..there was of course that little issue of rent and bills but hey…….

I was a country bumpkin – I think – at the risk of annoying other country folk that when you have grown up in the country it gives you a certain naivety that you don’t’ have if you grew up in the city and I seemed to have held on to that into my adulthood.  I felt about 5 years less experienced in everything than city folk of my age, hell I was still scared to get the tube and still bought a travel pass instead of a single ticket just in case I got lost.

I got to Paddington far too quickly as I was starting to panic a little bit.

I had a number to call to view two properties that were ready to be moved into straight away.

It was then I realised I had no duvet.  I was an idiot.  But hey I was in the city.

The second flat was the one I chose – the first was nicer but the owner, who lived there, was a sleaze.  I swear there were holes drilled into the bathroom wall – I was glad I had been told to look out for such things but yuk how gross!

This flat was lovely – it was airy but my room was small.  I thought it would encourage me to get to know my  flatmates more as I would be forced to hang out in the communal space and not hide in my room.  I was wrong – they were horrid – I camped out in my room.

I job searched for two weeks and thankfully found a little office job – the money was not going to roll in as such but trickle slowly to my feet.

It meant I could eat, all be it sometimes just instant noodles, but my rent was paid, I had my mobile phone and the internet and the rest I would wing until I could get a pay rise.  I was so optimistic.

I went out for lunch with some girls from work and slowly got close to one or two of them.  I met some people through them and they introduced me to more.  My wardrobe was suffering – I needed more money.

That’s when I decided to try the local bar.

It was ridiculous – I was trying to hold down two jobs – one all day and one way into the night – I was looking longingly at the sales and tried to stay awake during the day.  Twice I had been caught with my eyes shut for far too long.  I was exhausted.  My flat mates stunk….literally and I was penniless.

But I was in the city – all my dreams felt that little bit closer to coming true.

Although I was single and living in a shared house that I hated the inhabitants of I still felt happy.  I shut myself off from the rest of the world and started to write.

I had tried to get away from being the bookworm and be the party girl but I knew it was never going to work.  There was nothing wrong with being a homebody and I decided to embrace it fully.

My stereo was loud enough to block out the housemates so I pretended I was living in my own place, somewhere a little more tropical than Walthamstow.  I wrote, and wrote and I wrote some more.

I then hauled myself to all sorts of publishers and agents and bam – I got published!!! Just like that.

So you see – being in the city and taking a risk it’s all paid off.  Looking back that bad move was the best move I ever made.

And another treat – you lucky lucky people

A while ago I would do a writing test where a friend would send a picture and I would have to write 1000 words in the form of a story about it.  You know how they say a picture can speak a thousand words, the other thing with this was I was not allowed to spend any time thinking about it – that I would be sent a picture and just write whatever came out.  I like it – it’s fun.  It’s weird as when you read back through it – quite often you don’t really recall writing it – but it’s a good exercise, and I’ve started it again – so here is the first one.

This is the picture:

ImageTo add to the challenge I tried to incorporate the air of ‘Treat’ as that is the topic for todays’ blog.

So here is the story:

‘What is she doing……Ellie what is your sister doing?  Ellie? Ok then Honey, what are you trying to be little Susie, what are you doing?’

‘She’s being a panda!’ and Ellie flounced away.

She had a knack for knowing what her little sister was doing.  What she was thinking.  Or maybe she just made it up and everyone had come to believe whatever Ellie said Susie was thinking or doing or wanting.  Susie never put up any complaint so people just went along with it – anything for an easy life – never stopping once to ask a question or think about how Ellie would know.

Ellie had a theory.  It was that she had magical powers.  Her Mother had another theory – but we won’t go into that one.

Ellie had longed for a sister, she had written to Santa every year begging him for a sister.  One year she even said that she would go without any new dolls house furniture and maybe even without any new dolls as long as Santa brought her a little sister.  She didn’t ask her Mom – she didn’t even think to, she just thought if she prayed at night and was a good little girl and asked Santa nicely then she would get what she was wanting.

Thing is she knew she wasn’t always a good little girl – but she was never too bad – not like Tara from next door, she was just positively hideous.  And yet somehow, Ellie was pretty sure she still got gifts at Christmas.

Four years ago Ellie was extra especially good, at least for the run up to Christmas and she really thought that she would be able to get her wish granted, that her dream would come true.  But she saw how fat her Mommy was getting and thought that all their spare money must be being spent on pie and she knew that children cost a lot of money – she kept being told that, frequently it was said when she came home from school with another hole in her tights or her new shoes scuffed up.  She couldn’t help it.  It wasn’t her fault, but still her Mom would tell her off, yet still she’d come home all scuffed up.  She couldn’t help that she liked to climb trees.  It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t’ have a brother to help teach her how to get down again…..or to have a Dad present long enough to pick her up out of the tree and get her home safely, so you see, it really wasn’t her fault.

She looked back at Susie on the carpet and smiled.  That Christmas, the one where her mom got super fat had been the best ever.  Christmas morning came and Ellie saw lots of presents at the foot of her bed, at first she was super excited and in mid clap and dance around her bedroom she stopped and fell to the floor.  This meant she had no little sister.  Again!!

She soon forgot about it as she unwrapped her presents but as the days ticked on she started to feel sad again.  She knew that everything would be better if she had her little sister.

A week after Christmas her Dad was around more than normal and her Mom wasn’t.  She was woken in the middle of the night with her Dad saying that she had a new baby sister.  She rubbed her eyes in confusion and went back to sleep, when she woke in the morning she barely remembered her weird dream.  She went to eat breakfast and saw her Dad all ready to leave the house.

‘Hurry up Ellie, we have to get to the hospital!’

‘Why, who is hurt?’ she innocently replied.  Her Dad sighed so she went back upstairs, ignoring her breakfast and got dressed.

They got to the hospital in no time at all and there was her Mom all wrapped up in bed.  Ellie had gasped out loud for their in her Mom’s arms was another little bundle and there was no mistaking what this was.  It was everything Ellie had been dreaming of!

The reality had not been quite so good for the first few months – the baby just seemed to cry and be sick and make horrible smells and Ellie was starting to feel very pleased that she had not forgone any of her toys for this thing.  But slowly the little baby that was also known as Susie started to develop and grow and soon enough she was crawling around which was much more fun.

She ignored everyone though.  At first Ellie thought she was rude, and then she found it super funny – then the trips to the hospital started.

Susie was almost totally deaf; they didn’t think there was anything that could be done.

Ellie was confused, she didn’t really understand and would continuously; unconsciously stroke her sister’s ears, willing them to work.  Something about this action made a bond so incredibly thick between the sisters, one that no one could break, and this was when Ellie started speaking for her sister, and Susie seemed just fine with it.

Two years later, Ellie decided it would be great fun if they could have a pet.  She asked for a dog and it was a loud resounding no.  So she told the whole world that Susie wanted a panda.  If she had a panda then she would stop pretending not to hear people.

This went on for a year.  The panda never arrived, neither did a baby brother.  All that changed was her Dad was around less and less until she realised one day she hadn’t seen him for almost a year.  On that day she dressed up Susie as a Panda and called her Blossom.  She told everyone that this was what Susie wanted and Susie just sat there and chuckled.  Each time someone called her Blossom she would chuckle.  And Ellie felt that this made everything Ok in the world again.

Throwback thursday

Story time again – a day late again – I am sooooo sorry!

Anyway based on the theme of past, and reminiscing – that’s sort of throwback now isn’t it – anyway – happy reading!

 

Don’t you sometimes wish that the responsibility for your own life could just be taken out of your hands.  That you could just curl up and sleep for a moment and when you open your eyes everything has been sorted out for you ready to just skip off into the sun set.

Even movies don’t work quite like that though do they.

Even movies have hic-cups.  Sometimes the whole damn movie is.

I don’t want to look on my life like that though.  I have no regrets and I will keep it that way.

I believe that things happen for a reason – that people come into your life for a reason – that you have a path sort of set out for you – you are free to fall off that path as often as you choose and you have some choice over which direction you fall off it but every now and then fate/life/nature will lay down the law and ping you back on track again.  If you keep ignoring the signals something drastic will happen to you to make you see – to make you change – or do something to get back on track.

The key to a successful life is probably learning to read those signals and not be so darn stubborn about things.

Funny isn’t it how I choose to ignore those signals yet at the same time I say I want something or someone to take control.

Even down to choosing what milkshake I should have – sometimes it is all too much.

Other times don’t you dare try to tell me what I should have or tell me what I should do.

Sometimes I think it’s when I know what I should do and am scared – it’s when I know that I want someone to make that decision for me so I don’t have to hate myself for it at any point – so if it goes wrong I won’t feel so mad at myself.  But if it’s meant to be then how can I hate myself for it going wrong as the thing that is meant to be will have happened.

If you see something beautiful every day does it stop being beautiful?

Do you forget what you have and take it for granted?
Then when it has all gone away all you are left with are your memories of what once was? The remnants of glitter on your hands.

I feel the urge to blow things up.

That will put the cat amongst the pigeons ay! That will start the ball rolling one way or another or will throw it so high it will knock me out on the way back down – but at least something would be happening.

Am I impatient or just never satisfied?
Do I know what I want or am I actually clueless and how do I find that out?
If I was to see my life through someone else’s eyes, what would I see?
Who would I see myself as?
It would be fun to find out, or interesting at the very least.

Who do you think you would be in someone else’s eyes? Would you like yourself more, or less? Would you cry or be happy, would you learn anything at all?
Would it give you an ego? And is that a bad thing?
For each question I will find you one more.

I feel hollow not heartbroken and I don’t know which is worse. I think I would rather feel the pain and know that I am still alive.

Sometimes something happens and my stomach flips – I miss those butterfly days.

I shout out my words and sometimes a hollow echo comes back, sometimes there is no sound at all.

Or is there sound but you just don’t hear it because the right person isn’t around?

Questions and questions with no answers in sight – or do I know the answer but am afraid to say it out loud?

Am I just having a wobble when really I shouldn’t be worrying at all.

Is this life as we all know it?
Are you saying this is nothing new or unique? It’s just the way it is?
Am I ungrateful or greedy or just honest? Do I deserve more? Do we all?
How do you know when you are truly happy, what do you compare it to? And isn’t happiness a build up of small moments, minute details rather than grand gestures?

I see the sun start to rise and temporarily my head goes numb, all around me the world seems to be lit up like a flame, the most amazing hues of orange and yellow and pink all dancing and swirling around themselves in natures amazing portraits – every few seconds the scene changes, the light gets paler, it turns more pink, the clouds get whiter until it’s just the daylight left and the embers of the sunrise have faded into the background once more.  It’s then I realise I should switch my head from the nonsense channel and back into sleep mode.

All of these questions will be there tomorrow, later on in the day, the next time I can’t sleep – my head swirling with a million and one questions about my life and what I should be doing and if I have made the right decision and if this is the way it should be done and if it even matters about whether or not I know the answers or whether anyone else does because after all isn’t life just one big adventure – we aren’t meant to know the outcome until the very end – it would jade our thinking and we know that what is meant to happen will happen and what will be will be – the right people will gravitate towards you and your life and good things will happen along with the bad – you will smile again no matter what and on that note it really is time to say farewell, goodnight and sweet dreams to you all.