More 1,000 word fiction for you – I hope you enjoy!
Looking back it was obvious from the start.
This was never going to work. Which was why I wanted to do it.
Like my friend who had a baby because the timing was so wrong – it sounded stupid, ridiculous, wreck less even at the time but now – it seems like it was the best thing she has ever done.
For me – I bought a one way ticket to a city that didn’t know my name. No one knew me name. And that is what the appeal was. I was running away from a life I no longer wanted but one I didn’t know how to break up with properly – I mean can you even break up from your own life? It was like I had to let go of the girl that I had been forced to be my whole childhood so I could become the woman I was meant to be the woman that I knew was – the woman that had always been there but hidden from view.
I could never be myself at home because I was always shouted down – I was told no far more than I was told yes. I think that’s why even today, my default is on the negative. I am a positive person for life and for others but for myself I am lost – sometimes I just don’t know.
So I did what anyone does when they don’t know what to do – well you have two choices – bury your head in the sand or run away. Yeah, yeah some would say you could just deal with it but yeah right whoever does that – they don’t even do that in the films! They run.
So I ran.
Well I sauntered in my heels to the nearest train station – with two bags packed. And I got on the train with my one way ticket feeling really proud of myself.
I looked at my suitcases. One was full of books and writing paper and the other was full of clothes and one pair of shoes and somewhere in there I had managed to get my hair straightener – you know – the essentials. It suddenly seemed daft – how was I going to be able to accessorise properly with just one suitcase of clothes, I was going to have to get a job fast…..there was of course that little issue of rent and bills but hey…….
I was a country bumpkin – I think – at the risk of annoying other country folk that when you have grown up in the country it gives you a certain naivety that you don’t’ have if you grew up in the city and I seemed to have held on to that into my adulthood. I felt about 5 years less experienced in everything than city folk of my age, hell I was still scared to get the tube and still bought a travel pass instead of a single ticket just in case I got lost.
I got to Paddington far too quickly as I was starting to panic a little bit.
I had a number to call to view two properties that were ready to be moved into straight away.
It was then I realised I had no duvet. I was an idiot. But hey I was in the city.
The second flat was the one I chose – the first was nicer but the owner, who lived there, was a sleaze. I swear there were holes drilled into the bathroom wall – I was glad I had been told to look out for such things but yuk how gross!
This flat was lovely – it was airy but my room was small. I thought it would encourage me to get to know my flatmates more as I would be forced to hang out in the communal space and not hide in my room. I was wrong – they were horrid – I camped out in my room.
I job searched for two weeks and thankfully found a little office job – the money was not going to roll in as such but trickle slowly to my feet.
It meant I could eat, all be it sometimes just instant noodles, but my rent was paid, I had my mobile phone and the internet and the rest I would wing until I could get a pay rise. I was so optimistic.
I went out for lunch with some girls from work and slowly got close to one or two of them. I met some people through them and they introduced me to more. My wardrobe was suffering – I needed more money.
That’s when I decided to try the local bar.
It was ridiculous – I was trying to hold down two jobs – one all day and one way into the night – I was looking longingly at the sales and tried to stay awake during the day. Twice I had been caught with my eyes shut for far too long. I was exhausted. My flat mates stunk….literally and I was penniless.
But I was in the city – all my dreams felt that little bit closer to coming true.
Although I was single and living in a shared house that I hated the inhabitants of I still felt happy. I shut myself off from the rest of the world and started to write.
I had tried to get away from being the bookworm and be the party girl but I knew it was never going to work. There was nothing wrong with being a homebody and I decided to embrace it fully.
My stereo was loud enough to block out the housemates so I pretended I was living in my own place, somewhere a little more tropical than Walthamstow. I wrote, and wrote and I wrote some more.
I then hauled myself to all sorts of publishers and agents and bam – I got published!!! Just like that.
So you see – being in the city and taking a risk it’s all paid off. Looking back that bad move was the best move I ever made.