Story time again – a day late again – I am sooooo sorry!
Anyway based on the theme of past, and reminiscing – that’s sort of throwback now isn’t it – anyway – happy reading!
Don’t you sometimes wish that the responsibility for your own life could just be taken out of your hands. That you could just curl up and sleep for a moment and when you open your eyes everything has been sorted out for you ready to just skip off into the sun set.
Even movies don’t work quite like that though do they.
Even movies have hic-cups. Sometimes the whole damn movie is.
I don’t want to look on my life like that though. I have no regrets and I will keep it that way.
I believe that things happen for a reason – that people come into your life for a reason – that you have a path sort of set out for you – you are free to fall off that path as often as you choose and you have some choice over which direction you fall off it but every now and then fate/life/nature will lay down the law and ping you back on track again. If you keep ignoring the signals something drastic will happen to you to make you see – to make you change – or do something to get back on track.
The key to a successful life is probably learning to read those signals and not be so darn stubborn about things.
Funny isn’t it how I choose to ignore those signals yet at the same time I say I want something or someone to take control.
Even down to choosing what milkshake I should have – sometimes it is all too much.
Other times don’t you dare try to tell me what I should have or tell me what I should do.
Sometimes I think it’s when I know what I should do and am scared – it’s when I know that I want someone to make that decision for me so I don’t have to hate myself for it at any point – so if it goes wrong I won’t feel so mad at myself. But if it’s meant to be then how can I hate myself for it going wrong as the thing that is meant to be will have happened.
If you see something beautiful every day does it stop being beautiful?
Do you forget what you have and take it for granted?
Then when it has all gone away all you are left with are your memories of what once was? The remnants of glitter on your hands.
I feel the urge to blow things up.
That will put the cat amongst the pigeons ay! That will start the ball rolling one way or another or will throw it so high it will knock me out on the way back down – but at least something would be happening.
Am I impatient or just never satisfied?
Do I know what I want or am I actually clueless and how do I find that out?
If I was to see my life through someone else’s eyes, what would I see?
Who would I see myself as?
It would be fun to find out, or interesting at the very least.
Who do you think you would be in someone else’s eyes? Would you like yourself more, or less? Would you cry or be happy, would you learn anything at all?
Would it give you an ego? And is that a bad thing?
For each question I will find you one more.
I feel hollow not heartbroken and I don’t know which is worse. I think I would rather feel the pain and know that I am still alive.
Sometimes something happens and my stomach flips – I miss those butterfly days.
I shout out my words and sometimes a hollow echo comes back, sometimes there is no sound at all.
Or is there sound but you just don’t hear it because the right person isn’t around?
Questions and questions with no answers in sight – or do I know the answer but am afraid to say it out loud?
Am I just having a wobble when really I shouldn’t be worrying at all.
Is this life as we all know it?
Are you saying this is nothing new or unique? It’s just the way it is?
Am I ungrateful or greedy or just honest? Do I deserve more? Do we all?
How do you know when you are truly happy, what do you compare it to? And isn’t happiness a build up of small moments, minute details rather than grand gestures?
I see the sun start to rise and temporarily my head goes numb, all around me the world seems to be lit up like a flame, the most amazing hues of orange and yellow and pink all dancing and swirling around themselves in natures amazing portraits – every few seconds the scene changes, the light gets paler, it turns more pink, the clouds get whiter until it’s just the daylight left and the embers of the sunrise have faded into the background once more. It’s then I realise I should switch my head from the nonsense channel and back into sleep mode.
All of these questions will be there tomorrow, later on in the day, the next time I can’t sleep – my head swirling with a million and one questions about my life and what I should be doing and if I have made the right decision and if this is the way it should be done and if it even matters about whether or not I know the answers or whether anyone else does because after all isn’t life just one big adventure – we aren’t meant to know the outcome until the very end – it would jade our thinking and we know that what is meant to happen will happen and what will be will be – the right people will gravitate towards you and your life and good things will happen along with the bad – you will smile again no matter what and on that note it really is time to say farewell, goodnight and sweet dreams to you all.